Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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