dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
So drunk its hurt
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize