Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
