Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
