The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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