she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
