I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
