sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
