i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
