hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize