I wish they made helmets for livers.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
