I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
