I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
