She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
