Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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