Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize