You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Ketchup is God's man juice
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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