careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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