Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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