They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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