Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
