i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
