i just wanna soil my oats bro
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
