2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
