i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
