youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He felt like a one man threesome
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
