You just made me feel so damn special
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
