listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
