i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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