LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
