Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize