She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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