All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
