Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
