sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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