sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
