You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
and she was petting her beer can
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
