Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
