I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
