Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize