There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
