So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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