he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
me + whiskey = a bad person
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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