Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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