he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
