While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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