Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
