just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
