"it" just moved
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It's just like the Real World with babies
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
