atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize