god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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