I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
