you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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