Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
