My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
