to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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