my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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