You just made me feel so damn special
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
