i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
