After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
