Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
