i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
