"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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