I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
