you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
