One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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