what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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