I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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