nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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