The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize