How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
