Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
