we're chasing vodka with high fives
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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