remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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