Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Houston, we have a squirter
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
